Pro Tip: Olive oil in a warm bath will leave your skin soft and help to lock in moisture.
Pro Tip 2: Your feet will be slicker than eel shit on the bottom of the sea!
Be prepared to crawl out of the tub on all fours or run the risk of
slipping and bashing nude parts of yourself into random porcelain items
throughout the bathroom. DO NOT be fooled by the absorbancy of the bath
mat. You gotta dry the bottom of your hoofs darn good or you're gonna
dance like a naked crazy person the moment you step off the mat.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Stay Out of the Christmas Tree
Dear Cats,
(Jasper, Chloe, Vorpal, Sampson, Stanley, and Bear)
I will sell someone to the circus if you don't stay out of the Christmas tree.
I've had enough.
Don't look at me all shocked and wide eyed! I saw you! Do you really think you are being sneaky when you climb to the top? The whole dang tree shivers and shakes like a farm-dog crapping a corn cob. We can hear you grunting, straining and breathing heavy. Everything shakes and its stressful as heck to watch.
What is the fascination with controlling the top of the tree? I've watched two or more of you tangled up trying to kick each other off with your back feet. The other day someone booted Vorpal out with such force that he banged into the entertainment center on his way to the floor. I shouldn't have to tell you what it does to my blood pressure when I see kittens in orbit.
Do you think there is an award for you up there? Some kind of reward? Bragging rights maybe? Well let me be the first to tell you that the only thing at the top of the Christmas tree is the star and the phone number to the guy at the circus who buys the animals. If you see me going for that number then you better come up with stage names mighty quick because someone will be spending Christmas with the Ringling brothers.
Stay out of the tree.
Feliz Navidad
Dad
(Jasper, Chloe, Vorpal, Sampson, Stanley, and Bear)
I will sell someone to the circus if you don't stay out of the Christmas tree.
I've had enough.
Don't look at me all shocked and wide eyed! I saw you! Do you really think you are being sneaky when you climb to the top? The whole dang tree shivers and shakes like a farm-dog crapping a corn cob. We can hear you grunting, straining and breathing heavy. Everything shakes and its stressful as heck to watch.
What is the fascination with controlling the top of the tree? I've watched two or more of you tangled up trying to kick each other off with your back feet. The other day someone booted Vorpal out with such force that he banged into the entertainment center on his way to the floor. I shouldn't have to tell you what it does to my blood pressure when I see kittens in orbit.
Do you think there is an award for you up there? Some kind of reward? Bragging rights maybe? Well let me be the first to tell you that the only thing at the top of the Christmas tree is the star and the phone number to the guy at the circus who buys the animals. If you see me going for that number then you better come up with stage names mighty quick because someone will be spending Christmas with the Ringling brothers.
Stay out of the tree.
Feliz Navidad
Dad
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Shakin off the funk
We've been back in Wisconsin for less than 6 months and I've already had my first emergency room visit.
Yep.
It was a real live, "Honey, get the car. I got to go to the emergency room," kind of moment.
I get lung infections from time to time. Actually twice a year for the past few years. Anyway, it got bad this time and my medicine at home wasn't doing the trick so a trip to the ER in the middle of the night was in order. They gave me all kinds of steroids and other medicine to get me back on the mend. I should be fine in a little while.
I'm ready to shake off this funk and get back in the game. I've been fighting this for two months. Its been a long two months. Even my cats are tired of it.
Our cat Jasper thinks the rattling in my chest is me growling. Jasper doesn't like growling. He bites me each time the wheezing gets loud. Then its time for me to take more medicine.
So with my new digs in Wisconsin finally coming together and my first ER visit out of the way I figure I should get back in the saddle and start writing. Please forgive me if what I'm sharing isn't up to par with my material from North Carolina. That place was something else. It seems almost like a dream. A hot, funny, wood tick, duck, snake, and chicken filled dream with a deep southern accent.
I was only there a year and a half but in that time I lived in two different houses. Raised chickens, kittens, snakes, ducklings, turkeys, turtles and rabbits. Was hospitalized once and sent to the ER 7 times, played wing-man for a 75 year old guy, almost got bit by a shark and attacked by pit-bulls.
Wisconsin isn't nearly as exciting. The best thing to happen to me so far is the raccoon who comes to my bedroom window at night to beg for food. He also tries to bite the hell out of me. I named him Rabies.
Rabies doesn't like to be hand fed. I learned that the hard and painful way. He wants his food dropped in the space where the flies go to die. That space between the screen and inside window. (I took the screen out so he doesn't tear it up.) He is partial to peanuts, honey roasted, and goes bonkers for any kind of doughnut. He actually tossed an apple slice off the roof in protest when I tried to get him on a better diet. Bananas are also out of the question.
In the evening when I start to make dinner, he comes to the kitchen window and waits. If I don't open it and offer him something he gets cross and bangs on the window. If I wait any longer then he starts to yell at me. We've argued through the glass with each other over my offerings and his particular taste in people food. Oh well, at least Dawn eats what I cook.
Anyway, for what it is or isn't worth, I'm writing again.
Yep.
It was a real live, "Honey, get the car. I got to go to the emergency room," kind of moment.
I get lung infections from time to time. Actually twice a year for the past few years. Anyway, it got bad this time and my medicine at home wasn't doing the trick so a trip to the ER in the middle of the night was in order. They gave me all kinds of steroids and other medicine to get me back on the mend. I should be fine in a little while.
I'm ready to shake off this funk and get back in the game. I've been fighting this for two months. Its been a long two months. Even my cats are tired of it.
Our cat Jasper thinks the rattling in my chest is me growling. Jasper doesn't like growling. He bites me each time the wheezing gets loud. Then its time for me to take more medicine.
So with my new digs in Wisconsin finally coming together and my first ER visit out of the way I figure I should get back in the saddle and start writing. Please forgive me if what I'm sharing isn't up to par with my material from North Carolina. That place was something else. It seems almost like a dream. A hot, funny, wood tick, duck, snake, and chicken filled dream with a deep southern accent.
I was only there a year and a half but in that time I lived in two different houses. Raised chickens, kittens, snakes, ducklings, turkeys, turtles and rabbits. Was hospitalized once and sent to the ER 7 times, played wing-man for a 75 year old guy, almost got bit by a shark and attacked by pit-bulls.
Wisconsin isn't nearly as exciting. The best thing to happen to me so far is the raccoon who comes to my bedroom window at night to beg for food. He also tries to bite the hell out of me. I named him Rabies.
Rabies doesn't like to be hand fed. I learned that the hard and painful way. He wants his food dropped in the space where the flies go to die. That space between the screen and inside window. (I took the screen out so he doesn't tear it up.) He is partial to peanuts, honey roasted, and goes bonkers for any kind of doughnut. He actually tossed an apple slice off the roof in protest when I tried to get him on a better diet. Bananas are also out of the question.
In the evening when I start to make dinner, he comes to the kitchen window and waits. If I don't open it and offer him something he gets cross and bangs on the window. If I wait any longer then he starts to yell at me. We've argued through the glass with each other over my offerings and his particular taste in people food. Oh well, at least Dawn eats what I cook.
Anyway, for what it is or isn't worth, I'm writing again.
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