Stay Out of the Christmas Tree

Dear Cats,
(Jasper, Chloe, Vorpal, Sampson, Stanley, and Bear)

I will sell someone to the circus if you don't stay out of the Christmas tree.

I've had enough.

Don't look at me all shocked and wide eyed! I saw you! Do you really think you are being sneaky when you climb to the top? The whole dang tree shivers and shakes like a farm-dog crapping a corn cob. We can hear you grunting, straining and breathing heavy. Everything shakes and its stressful as heck to watch.

What is the fascination with controlling the top of the tree? I've watched two or more of you tangled up trying to kick each other off with your back feet. The other day someone booted Vorpal out with such force that he banged into the entertainment center on his way to the floor. I shouldn't have to tell you what it does to my blood pressure when I see kittens in orbit.

Do you think there is an award for you up there? Some kind of reward? Bragging rights maybe? Well let me be the first to tell you that the only thing at the top of the Christmas tree is the star and the phone number to the guy at the circus who buys the animals. If you see me going for that number then you better come up with stage names mighty quick because someone will be spending Christmas with the Ringling brothers.

Stay out of the tree.

Feliz Navidad

Dad