Monday, May 7, 2012

"Well, his @#$hole's pink an it itches."

Our rabbits found a way out of their enclosure. So, I walked over to talk with The Neighbor Lady about it. As I approached the house her 2 year old son saw me and started walking towards me. 
This is what happened next:

"CONNER GIT BACK HERE RITE NAOW! Mike don't let him touch you! He's got sometin' an you might-could catch it!"

I stopped in my tracks and took two large steps back. "Conner go back to your mom. Back...BACK....What the heck is wrong with him? What's he got?"

"Well, his @#$hole's pink an it itches. Its all wattery and he keeps rubbing it. But how ya s'posed ta keep a baby from rubbin it? He don' listen. He jus keep on messin wit it."

"Well, take him to a doctor woman! His insides are probably a total wreck right now. My goodness! How does this not alarm you? Is it just clear fluid? I mean do you see feces or is it just clear fluid?"

"Mike, how in da hell is feces gonna come out'a his damn eye? GAWD! He'd prolly be dead if that could happen!"

At that point I realized that she said, "His EYE'S ALL pink and it itches." But since she talks like she has marbles in her mouth it sounded different to me. So I explained my misunderstanding and we both had a good laugh. 

Afterwards I went home and told Dawn about it. We laughed and then she told me that one of her students said the exact same thing to her but even after repeating himself three or four times she still couldn't understand him. So, she stood there wide eyed and confused and just told the kid to go see the nurse. It was later when she heard some other students talking about it that she finally figured it out. Turns out the kid has a terrible case of pink eye because the school won't let him return without a doctors blessing.

So, pink eye is going around now and not some strange disease that makes ones bottom itch, turn red, leak fluid and compel 2 year old's to keep messing with it. For a moment I was ready to pack up Dawn and the pets and avoid populated areas. I don't know how a zombie apocalypse would start but for a moment I thought anything was possible.

OH, and the rabbits came back on their own.

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