Dear Crotchety Woman

You walk on the path 'round the lake every day. Today you clapped and shouted at a flock of tired geese gently snoozing on the bank. I saw you. I talked to you and I can't believe you.

Clapping and shouting at sleeping birds is uncool. You had to go out of your way to approach them. You are a tool! You scared the whole flock and generally caused a ruckus on the end of the lake.

Smiling and saying, "They poop everywhere!" does not excuse you or your actions.
I wish I could burst into your bedroom or bathroom to clap and shout at you during your quiet time.

I hope something large poops on you.
In your hair.
And down your back.

Oh, your walking shoes look stupid and your windbreaker has a big stain on it, ya jackwagon.