I helped Kevin, The Neighbor Ladies husband, change the oil on his father in laws truck yesterday. The Neighbor Lady sat on the front porch IN A RATTY OLD NIGHTGOWN and told us what to do the entire time. Here are a few highlights.
"MIKE! OH MA GAWD KEVIN! MIKE HE'S GONNA KILL HIS SELF! DON'T LET HIM DRIVE ON THEM RAMPS. KEVIN LET MIKE DO IT! OH MA GAWD!"
All we were doing is attempting to drive the little Ford Ranger onto a set of 10 inch high ramps. We weren't trying to jump the shed. We weren't getting a running start so as to get the truck into the air. We simply placed the ramps against the wheels.
"Kevin just ignore her. Lets get this sucker up on the ramps. Its hotter than two rats humping in a wool sock out here. At least there will be shade under the truck."
"WHUT!?!? MIKE NO!" She actually hollers loud enough for it to carry across the neighborhood. Her voice cracks each time she bellows out an "Oh ma gawd", or a "Kevin", or a "Mike".
"Woman what is wrong? Is this the first time you watched someone changing oil? You got to quit hollering at us. Kevin, you got it, there ya go, a few more inches, there, stop."
The truck was safely on the top of the ramps.
"Huny, please let me an him do this. Its hawt and we about ta git covered in grease. Ya got ta stop givin us hell. Why-un-cha-git us sumthin ta drink?"
That bought us a few minutes of peace.
The oil filter wouldn't break free. We tried everything. Force, prayer, cursing, more force, it just wouldn't budge. So I climbed in the engine compartment to get a better angle. Kevin was under the truck.
"OOOOOOHHHH! MIKE! WUT'S HAPPENIN?? IS KEVIN STUCK? KEVIN ARE YOU STUCK?"
From under the truck came a litany of curses and rebukes that ended with, ".....an if ya don' git yer ass in the house I'm gonna huck a wrench at-cha!"
All I could do was turn and look at her and say, "YEAH!.... WHAT HE SAID!"
So she went inside.....and sent her mother out to bother us instead. Needless to say the foolishness continued until we finished.
Now, the take home message here is just let men do what we need to do once in a while. We might break something or someone, set something alight, dent, scratch, or destroy something from time to time. But you can guarantee that it won't happen a second time. See ladies, men have a different learning style when we are in groups of two or more. And sometimes we actually know what's going on. So just look away when you get scared and give us credit for what we can do right when the job is finished.