I want to begin by saying how much I truly do love you. We rescued you from a hard life while you were still a tiny kitten and it has been our pleasure to see to your every need. Now the time has come to go over a few things with you and prepare you for what is in store in the next few days.
You will be neutered. Oh I know you don't know what neutering really is and I'm not going to go into details with you. Lets just say that you will no longer have the urge to bite my wrist, hump my arm and spray in my ear.
You see, Bobcat, when you did that I nearly took your life. An act like that really isn't in my nature so imagine my surprise when it was the first thing that came to mind after you mistreated me. Don't act like I asked for it either. I was laying in bed reading a book when you came running in from the other room with your "Lipstick" at attention. I had nothing to do with your mental state of affairs. How you decided that I would become the object of your desire is absolutely beyond me. I will tell you however, that while I may not have all the answers, I damn sure have the solution.
Oh, and just to let you know, that thing is sharp and it hurt my arm!
From today forward you will stay in the guest bathroom until your neutering. Your brother will be in there with you, (he is having the same procedure done) so you will have some company over the next two days. How you choose to spend your time together is entirely up to you guys. You share the same plumbing so maybe you will get a taste of your own medicine.
You don't like the guest bathroom, I know. But we can not run the risk that you might violently assault me again. I am not, nor will I ever be a punk.