Dear Crotchety Woman

You walk on the path 'round the lake every day. Today you clapped and shouted at a flock of tired geese gently snoozing on the bank. I saw you. I talked to you and I can't believe you.

Clapping and shouting at sleeping birds is uncool. You had to go out of your way to approach them. You are a tool! You scared the whole flock and generally caused a ruckus on the end of the lake.

Smiling and saying, "They poop everywhere!" does not excuse you or your actions.
I wish I could burst into your bedroom or bathroom to clap and shout at you during your quiet time.

I hope something large poops on you.
In your hair.
And down your back.

Oh, your walking shoes look stupid and your windbreaker has a big stain on it, ya jackwagon.

Crows?

I had this excellent idea to begin feeding a murder of crows. I had dreams of them bringing me gifts and maybe feeding them by hand. You can imagine how stoked I was.

The crows haven't been back since I posted my idea to the blog. Are they telepathic?

At least the fish are biting in the lake. Well, its a big pond really. Maybe I'll take the paddle boat into the middle and see if I can jig for crappie. The bass along the shore are a guaranteed catch with a white jig and curly tail soft body. Pull that same jig fast through the top ten inches of water and its pretty close to a strike each cast.

Lets see what the middle of the lake has to offer mid day.

Crows!

I finally have something fun to write about!

Crows!

A whole murder of them hang out in the tree at the edge of our patio. I know what some of you are thinking. No, I'm not going to capture one of them and no I'm not going to capture two of them. But, I am going to feed them. 

Crows have been known to bring gifts to people who feed or rescue them. There are a few stories on the internet of it happening to people in the past.

Can you imagine receiving treasures from a murder of crows? 

I'm so excited!

Neighbor Kids: 0 Mike: 1

Overheard the grandmother next door trying to call her grandchildren into the house this evening. They were being rather insolent. So I called to the youngsters, "Hey kids. Did you see the guy who's been in my yard the past few nights? I didn't really get a good look at him because he moves so fast. I asked him what he was doing in my yard and he just stood up, growled and jumped over the fence into your yard. I saw him again last night in your yard staring up at your bedroom windows." 

The kids left vapor trails behind them as they dashed into the house. The grandmother smiled and thanked me for telling her about the man. I said, "He's tall and pale with really long arms and legs. I couldn't really see his face. It looked like he kind of didn't have a face. I don't know. It was dark. But that guy can really jump so just watch out and keep the kids inside when its dark outside." 

Grandmother next door:1
Noisy neighbor children: 0
Mike's peace and quiet: 1

Sunday Morning Conversations

Who puked on the floor, Mike?

Well, you aren't yelling at me so that leaves me out. My next guess is it's probably a cat. I mean, it could be a neighbor, but you aren't on the phone with the Milwaukee PD and I'm not teeing off on someone so I'm going to go with the cat.

I know that ya smart ass. Which cat is sick?

Honey, I don't want to play Sherlock the cat vomit Holmes right now.

Well, it's not a hairball.

Oh no, I don't need details, Dawn!

So who did it?

Listen, I left my magnifying glass and plaid earflap hat in the truck. Your guess is as good as mine.

I bet it was Jasper. He was rooting around under the sink last night.

Yeah, Jasper has Pika. He eats glue and Target bags.

Yup! It's Jasper. I just found a chewed up air freshener and he smells like an "April Morning Breeze".