An Open Letter to Bobcat

Dear Bobcat,

I want to begin by saying how much I truly do love you. We rescued you from a hard life while you were still a tiny kitten and it has been our pleasure to see to your every need. Now the time has come to go over a few things with you and prepare you for what is in store in the next few days.

You will be neutered. Oh I know you don't know what neutering really is and I'm not going to go into details with you. Lets just say that you will no longer have the urge to bite my wrist, hump my arm and spray in my ear.

You see, Bobcat, when you did that I nearly took your life. An act like that really isn't in my nature so imagine my surprise when it was the first thing that came to mind after you mistreated me. Don't act like I asked for it either. I was laying in bed reading a book when you came running in from the other room with your "Lipstick" at attention. I had nothing to do with your mental state of affairs. How you decided that I would become the object of your desire is absolutely beyond me. I will tell you however, that while I may not have all the answers, I damn sure have the solution.

Oh, and just to let you know, that thing is sharp and it hurt my arm!

From today forward you will stay in the guest bathroom until your neutering. Your brother will be in there with you, (he is having the same procedure done) so you will have some company over the next two days. How you choose to spend your time together is entirely up to you guys. You share the same plumbing so maybe you will get a taste of your own medicine.

You don't like the guest bathroom, I know. But we can not run the risk that you might violently assault me again. I am not, nor will I ever be a punk.

With Love,

Dad

Dawn shared this really great story that I'm sure everyone can relate too.

One of her biology students is a techy, gamer, sci-fi kind of kid. Today he was complaining to Dawn that he isn't challenged in class. The other kids were complaining because they wanted more group work. So, Dawn killed three birds with one stone.

She split the class in half. Told them they were two teams of super hero's 

with powers that must relate to biology. Everyone had to have their own abilities and they must relate to the group.


A few minutes later Dawn noticed that the group with the gamer kid was gathered around him, listening intently. He was assigning biological super powers to each of the kids in his group one by one. He was now the center of attention and clearly a prized asset to the group of 15 or so students.

The other group was having fun, laughing and joking and making a bit of progress. Then Dawn noticed a few of them look at the other group, whisper to each other and suddenly they were totally on task.
A few moments later they asked if the gamer kid could help them with their super hero abilities. After some negotiating the two groups came to an agreement and the kid was allowed to help everyone. He, of course, had the most incredible super powers of all.

So, everyone got their way today and one kid became an unlikely super hero in the process.

A letter to my cat.

Dear Chloe,

When we bought you five years ago we had no idea that you were a kitten with a weak constitution. Don't get me wrong, we could have returned you but we didn't. We let you stay. We've loved you from day one. But Chloe, this has to stop.

You had nearly 2,000 sq. ft to choose from but you chose to puke in the one containing the cable box. Did you expect something other than smoke and fire to shoot out the top? The look on your face led me to believe that you were expecting maybe toy mice and confetti. I don't think I have to tell you twice that those were reeking hot flames Chloe. You were closer to them than I was.

You are lucky that I haven't sold you to Gypsies or some such thing. Each time you return from the vet you have a sparkling clean bill of health. Heaving is just in your nature. So I tolerate your occasional errors in judgement but this is getting stressful.

My living room smells like ozone and vomit. That kind of smell makes me angry. What's more, I have to sit here tomorrow from 1 to 3PM waiting for the cable guy.

I know you aren't going to read this. You never pay attention. So I guess I will have to talk it over with you in person when you come for bedtime cuddles. Don't get me wrong, I'll cuddle you. But I'm gonna cuddle angry Chloe, I'm gonna cuddle angry.

Sincerely,
Dad