Unfortunately she will not miss our neighbors to the north.
I hope no one is hurt but storms the size of Sandy are bound to cause trouble!
Monday, October 29, 2012
Hurricane Sandy Update 2:19 AM Eastern, 10/29/2012
Sandy missed us!
Unfortunately she will not miss our neighbors to the north.
I hope no one is hurt but storms the size of Sandy are bound to cause trouble!
Unfortunately she will not miss our neighbors to the north.
I hope no one is hurt but storms the size of Sandy are bound to cause trouble!
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Hurricane Sandy Update 4:15 PM Eastern, 10/28/2012
Just got back from Walmart. The place is packed! Bread almost gone, bottled water almost gone, nearly every cart I saw had candles, bread, water, and other emergency style goods in them.
The people were very calm, almost looked like cows wandering around in a field before a thunderstorm. Maybe that's how it is around here. If there was a foot of snow on the way all I would do is buy a shovel and back my car into the driveway. They, on the other hand would loose their minds and prepare for the end of the world.
I guess the difference comes in when I consider that a foot of snow doesn't cause billions of dollars worth of damage and force tens of thousands of people to evacuate their homes.
Outside the wind has picked up and the sky is much darker than it was this morning. Everything has a silver gray cast to it. The Neighbor Lady said they were going to stay in a hotel for the next few days because they are afraid of loosing power.
"Where is the hotel going to get power if the grid is down?" I asked.
"Mike, power don't come off'a grid. It comes out'a power lines. The hotel's got its own power. That's why we go there."
"Oh you mean they have a generator. Well, lets hope it doesn't break down. I know if I was without power that I'd want to be safe and sound right at home. It's better to be home so you can protect your stuff if people try to break in. But if you want to leave your stuff to the mercy of vandals and scavengers then far be it from me to stop you."
"MIKE! Why you gotta talk like that? Who's gonna come an steal our stuff? Ain't no one gonna come an do nuthin cause why they wanna go in our place anyway?"
"Oh, I don't know." I replied. "Maybe they will notice a 5,000 square foot house and think there might be something of value in it. I'm glad my place isn't as big as yours. But I'll be home to protect my stuff anyway so it won't matter."
At that point I made an excuse to run back to my place. But, before I left The Neighbor Lady begged me to protect her house as well.
"I'll talk to Dawn about it. Maybe we can watch both places. But are you willing to compensate us for helping you? I mean, that's a lot of responsibility for us."
She cocked her head to the side and got a foggy look on her face. Suddenly she smiled from ear to ear and said, "We have a gift certificate for a two nights stay at the Hilton! If we give you that then you can stay where there is power with us. Will that be OK?"
"Sure! And then if we loose power we can just go to the hotel together! Do they have a pool?"
"Oh, Mike! Its got a pool an a game room an everything! This is gonna be fun. I kinda hope we loose power now! I'ma call my mom and ask her where the gift certificate is. I'll bring it over when I find it OK?"
"Sounds good!" I said and walked back to my house.
I don't know if the change in barometer pressure is messing with The Neighbor Ladies head or if she is just that goofy. But hey, if I get a free hotel stay out of the deal then I'm not going to argue!
The people were very calm, almost looked like cows wandering around in a field before a thunderstorm. Maybe that's how it is around here. If there was a foot of snow on the way all I would do is buy a shovel and back my car into the driveway. They, on the other hand would loose their minds and prepare for the end of the world.
I guess the difference comes in when I consider that a foot of snow doesn't cause billions of dollars worth of damage and force tens of thousands of people to evacuate their homes.
Outside the wind has picked up and the sky is much darker than it was this morning. Everything has a silver gray cast to it. The Neighbor Lady said they were going to stay in a hotel for the next few days because they are afraid of loosing power.
"Where is the hotel going to get power if the grid is down?" I asked.
"Mike, power don't come off'a grid. It comes out'a power lines. The hotel's got its own power. That's why we go there."
"Oh you mean they have a generator. Well, lets hope it doesn't break down. I know if I was without power that I'd want to be safe and sound right at home. It's better to be home so you can protect your stuff if people try to break in. But if you want to leave your stuff to the mercy of vandals and scavengers then far be it from me to stop you."
"MIKE! Why you gotta talk like that? Who's gonna come an steal our stuff? Ain't no one gonna come an do nuthin cause why they wanna go in our place anyway?"
"Oh, I don't know." I replied. "Maybe they will notice a 5,000 square foot house and think there might be something of value in it. I'm glad my place isn't as big as yours. But I'll be home to protect my stuff anyway so it won't matter."
At that point I made an excuse to run back to my place. But, before I left The Neighbor Lady begged me to protect her house as well.
"I'll talk to Dawn about it. Maybe we can watch both places. But are you willing to compensate us for helping you? I mean, that's a lot of responsibility for us."
She cocked her head to the side and got a foggy look on her face. Suddenly she smiled from ear to ear and said, "We have a gift certificate for a two nights stay at the Hilton! If we give you that then you can stay where there is power with us. Will that be OK?"
"Sure! And then if we loose power we can just go to the hotel together! Do they have a pool?"
"Oh, Mike! Its got a pool an a game room an everything! This is gonna be fun. I kinda hope we loose power now! I'ma call my mom and ask her where the gift certificate is. I'll bring it over when I find it OK?"
"Sounds good!" I said and walked back to my house.
I don't know if the change in barometer pressure is messing with The Neighbor Ladies head or if she is just that goofy. But hey, if I get a free hotel stay out of the deal then I'm not going to argue!
Dear Sampson
Dear Sampson,
When I rescued you from "the scary house" I had no idea that you were going to be such a funny cat. The dirty people who kept you in a box when you were a tiny kitten were wrong for trying to stifle your spirit. Don't get me wrong, I think they liked you in their own way but it wasn't the nicest way to show their affection. This leads me to a very important point.
I appreciate that you are a little "touched" from time to time and seem to be driven by forces and motives which I may never understand. In fact it may come as a shock to you when I say that I never truly understand your actions.
With that said I want to address the episode last night involving the toilet and my side of the bed. Don't look away and act like something caught your attention. You know what happened. You did it!
There will be a new rule effective immediately. You are no longer allowed in the bathroom when I am using it. I know you are tormented inside when I go in there and close the door. But, let me assure you that I am not having fun without you. Confetti does not drop from the ceiling nor do balloons rise from the floor after the door shuts. There is no disco ball in the shower and dubstep does not begin to play from the vents. I am not having a party in there by myself.
The medicine cabinet is not filled with secret treats.
The only real thing of value in there are the pills that keep me from going homicidal when you act out. The bathroom is now off limits.
This brings me to the whole point of my letter to you.
No matter what you say, there will never ever be a good reason to jump in the toilet while I'm peeing in the middle of the night. Do not act as if you didn't know the toilet was open. I was using it you fool.
The light was on!
I mean really, how was last night different than any other night? We do not have a sudden infestation of poison snakes that you have to run from in mortal fear. There are no bear traps set to spring just laying around on the bathroom floor.
Somehow you convinced yourself, and I stress that you convinced yourself, that something terrifying was happening near or to you that you had to lunge into the air coming to rest half in the toilet.
Do you have any idea how scared I was when I saw you rocketing skyward?
There I was, holding a loaded gun of sorts and suddenly I'm trying to avoid you and stop at the same time. It really is a blessing that I am not a manual laborer with wicked calloused hands and a vice like grip. Oh, and if you think you don't like water, well just imagine my horror when I realized that suddenly there was toilet water in orbit, if only briefly, a few inches from my bare feet, after you landed half in the bowl.
The worst part wasn't when you splashed pee water on my feet though. The worst part was when you ran into the bedroom and jumped on my side of the bed, dripping wet.
Sampson, let me assure you that there will never ever be a time when doing laundry at 3:30 AM is acceptable. Giving you a bath at 3:37 AM is also right out! Screaming at the top of your lungs at 3:38 while I am washing you is also inappropriate. You didn't scream when you jumped in the toilet so I can't imagine why you would scream when you touch warm clean water in the tub.
You brought it on yourself you clown.
I have tolerated your midnight rooting around, opening drawers, pulling stuff out and not putting it back, crying in the living room like you are being killed for no reason, and insisting that you accompany me into every room of the house. I've truly done my best to put up with it all. I deserve a medal! But like I said, you are not allowed in the bathroom ever again.
Your feelings are hurt.
No doubt you feel slighted.
But imagine how I felt when my feet were suddenly awash with freezing toilet water in the middle of the night! People aren't prepared for that kind of event. In fact, that kind of event can make cats go missing if you catch my drift. So, I feel that my only recourse is to ban you from all future bathroom visits.
I love you. You are a very funny cat. You are a great cat actually but for your safety and my sanity I will enforce this new rule.
Now, please enjoy your breakfast. I have to change the load of laundry you created for me at o'dark-thirty this morning.
NO! I do not need help in the laundry room. In fact, that place is off limits too. Goodness knows what you could get tangled up with in there. Just stay in the kitchen and continue eating as if you are starving.
Thank you
Dad
Hurricane Sandy, 3:45 AM Eastern 10/28/2012
Well, I decided to keep a journal of the events where I live and those here on the "right coast" as hurricane Sandy makes her way toward us. My sincere hope is that I will have the most boring things to report. Unfortunately I don't think that will be the case. The weatherman has some bleak things to say lately. They are known to be wrong from time to time but something tells me that the size of this storm is going to do a hell of a lot more than what I'm used to in Wisconsin. I think Sandy will make me long for "lake effect" snow instead of the trouble she seems to be brewing up for us.
I stepped outside to see what the weather was like a few minutes ago and its WINDY. It was a gust of wind that woke me up actually. I remember this kind of wind. Its the strange kind you get at the front of a hurricane. The wind starts and stops, swirls and seems like it doesn't know what it wants to do. Thunderstorms usually have wind that comes from one direction. Hurricanes have strange wind patterns in the beginning part of the storm. Its creepy and it's been blowing like this for two days.
Lets see what the daylight brings.
I stepped outside to see what the weather was like a few minutes ago and its WINDY. It was a gust of wind that woke me up actually. I remember this kind of wind. Its the strange kind you get at the front of a hurricane. The wind starts and stops, swirls and seems like it doesn't know what it wants to do. Thunderstorms usually have wind that comes from one direction. Hurricanes have strange wind patterns in the beginning part of the storm. Its creepy and it's been blowing like this for two days.
Lets see what the daylight brings.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Selected for Consideration
Good news!
One of my stories was selected to be posted at Rense.com
This is the first time I've shared my writing for consideration in a place besides my Wood Ticks and Laughing Fits blog or on Facebook.
I feel pretty happy! Maybe I will win or place in the competition? Fingers crossed.
One of my stories was selected to be posted at Rense.com
This is the first time I've shared my writing for consideration in a place besides my Wood Ticks and Laughing Fits blog or on Facebook.
I feel pretty happy! Maybe I will win or place in the competition? Fingers crossed.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
An Open Letter to Bobcat
Dear Bobcat,
I want to begin by saying how much I truly do love you. We rescued you from a hard life while you were still a tiny kitten and it has been our pleasure to see to your every need. Now the time has come to go over a few things with you and prepare you for what is in store in the next few days.
You will be neutered. Oh I know you don't know what neutering really is and I'm not going to go into details with you. Lets just say that you will no longer have the urge to bite my wrist, hump my arm and spray in my ear.
You see, Bobcat, when you did that I nearly took your life. An act like that really isn't in my nature so imagine my surprise when it was the first thing that came to mind after you mistreated me. Don't act like I asked for it either. I was laying in bed reading a book when you came running in from the other room with your "Lipstick" at attention. I had nothing to do with your mental state of affairs. How you decided that I would become the object of your desire is absolutely beyond me. I will tell you however, that while I may not have all the answers, I damn sure have the solution.
Oh, and just to let you know, that thing is sharp and it hurt my arm!
From today forward you will stay in the guest bathroom until your neutering. Your brother will be in there with you, (he is having the same procedure done) so you will have some company over the next two days. How you choose to spend your time together is entirely up to you guys. You share the same plumbing so maybe you will get a taste of your own medicine.
You don't like the guest bathroom, I know. But we can not run the risk that you might violently assault me again. I am not, nor will I ever be a punk.
With Love,
Dad
I want to begin by saying how much I truly do love you. We rescued you from a hard life while you were still a tiny kitten and it has been our pleasure to see to your every need. Now the time has come to go over a few things with you and prepare you for what is in store in the next few days.
You will be neutered. Oh I know you don't know what neutering really is and I'm not going to go into details with you. Lets just say that you will no longer have the urge to bite my wrist, hump my arm and spray in my ear.
You see, Bobcat, when you did that I nearly took your life. An act like that really isn't in my nature so imagine my surprise when it was the first thing that came to mind after you mistreated me. Don't act like I asked for it either. I was laying in bed reading a book when you came running in from the other room with your "Lipstick" at attention. I had nothing to do with your mental state of affairs. How you decided that I would become the object of your desire is absolutely beyond me. I will tell you however, that while I may not have all the answers, I damn sure have the solution.
Oh, and just to let you know, that thing is sharp and it hurt my arm!
From today forward you will stay in the guest bathroom until your neutering. Your brother will be in there with you, (he is having the same procedure done) so you will have some company over the next two days. How you choose to spend your time together is entirely up to you guys. You share the same plumbing so maybe you will get a taste of your own medicine.
You don't like the guest bathroom, I know. But we can not run the risk that you might violently assault me again. I am not, nor will I ever be a punk.
With Love,
Dad
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